Lauren

i'm so unbelievably exhausted.
i am so tired that i am physically ill.

on top of that, i am angry, bitter, and resentful.



if people could just let me be, i'd be happy.


ugh.
i want to go to sleep.
i wish i didn't have class in 11 hours.
and i wish i didn't have a paper in that class due last friday.

and i wish my psychiatrist weren't making me go see my psychologist tomorrow because my first psychiatrist thought i was anorexic because i wore a sweater and didn't eat hospital food and now i must be one because i went from being pudgy to thin. bullshit. let me love myself for once without being questioned; without feeling as though no matter what, i can never be good enough for anyone, even when i'm happy with myself, no one else is satisfied with that.

motherfucking brutes.

i'm a little bit ashamed to say that i love to alcohol more than any-material-thing else in existence. or maybe it's in a category of it's one.



anywho.




i love my best friend.
i love having someone there. always.
always always always.



fogive the blather.

i'm a little buzzed.






well,
2 more weeks of classes after this, and then one week of exams.
about 35 pages of writing left.


then the greatest fucking summer of my life.
cait knows what i'm talking about.
and i'll live on a diet of chicken mcnuggets, ketel one, and jack.


yeah, life's filled with all sort's of shit.
like nervous breakdowns, heroes dying, the abandonment of lovers.
but what the fuck ever.
i bet it's all worth it in the end.
i'll find out.


i'm here.
i plan on being here for awhile.
so hell.

here's to you, Kurt.

This morning I took my Jenny and her friend to Walmart because they wanted some shit and mcdonalds for breakfast.
There were only about 650,000 people there.
As we were leaving some jackass ran into me with his fucking motor coach.
it was as i was turning and i didnt think it was bad cause he just scraped me.
but i looked in my mirror and saw that a whole bunch of paint was scratched off, so i followed the dick into the lowes parking lot and he claimed that I HIT HIM! which is ridiculous because i was in the left of the turning lanes. the moron was in the wrong lane. but i called the police and they came and couldn't tell by the damage who was at fault. If my witnesses weren't 12, they may have been able to. It wasn't even really worth calling an accident, but i cried and my mom came. The cops were really nice. The guy who hit me was a stupid inbred white trash idiot.


work last night was wonderful.

Ching, the cinematographer was there the entire time i was working so i wasn't at all bored. he brought me a movie to watch. i'm going to watch it tonight.

mike and i skipped english yesterday and went to best buy and played guitar hero.

i think emmie's coming over this weekend.

i've decided that until i am happy, i won't be unhappy.


that's just silly.






i like to hear 'la la la' from someone with a nice voice.
it makes everything worthwhile again.



i want to feel pretty when no one else would agree with me.



i'm going to get drunk and learn to salsa with someone who will kiss my forehead and put me to bed if i fall over one too many times.



i wish the la la la la la-ing would go on forever.



i'd like to make a deserving person happy.




i have 11 toes.

i'm going on a diet.


from now on, i can only eat what people pick out of their teeth.

37 miserable days.


excuse me.

today was cookie-making day







our cookies are the best.

:]

( my xmas stocking )

my ass hurts real bad from sitting too hard.


tomorrow is election day.
yay.
that means that today molly and i bought surgical masks and drove around wearing them and honking at sign wavers.

hopefully, by the end of tomorrow, i'll have really beautiful, long hair and i'll be a happy girl once again.

fuck my ass.

i don't know why i bother with this. only molly reads it and she already knows all this.
aksjlfhask


i need a man.
by like, wednesday, or i'm gonna aslkfjadsl.

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